The word is officially out

Well, after telling my family on the web cam on Christmas Eve we followed up with telling A's family in person on Christmas Day. After we opened all the gifts A stood up and blurted it out. She was so nervous and excited she just popped and started crying and A's mom cried and then we all hugged and shook hands, etc. A's mom was especially excited. You could tell that she has been anticipating becoming a grandma for a while. They had a few questions but I think mostly they are just excited. I am sure more questions will come with time. 

It is a huge relief to have both of our immediate and extended families know. Now we can tell everyone as we see them and not worry about it. It is also nice to have their support. Both families are excited and supportive and that is huge for us. 

Since both parents know we have been telling other family and friends. All responses have been positive. Some of them overwhelmingly so. Seeing other people so excited makes us excited. It also makes it more real. It is easy to get bogged down in the paperwork and the finances and the logistics and lose the excitement that we are going to be parents. 

The word is out

We have been slowly telling people on a need to know basis. (We wanted to tell our parents 1st but that wasn't working out.) I had to tell people at work to get the time off for the weekend and then for the employment verification form. Besides I want the people I spend a lot of time with to know what is going on. My supervisor at work was the 1st to shake my hand and congratulate me. That made it feel real. I am going to be a Dad! Later in the week we told more of our friends mostly because we needed some of them for recommendations. But it was nice to share the news with people close to us. Still trying to keep it on the down low until the family knows.
Tonight was the 1st big telling. We got my family on the web cam for the Christmas gift exchange. At the end we got everyone together and told them the news. We were both nervous and scared of the whole families' reaction. It went really well. They were all very supportive. We did not have time to go into the details about open adoption. I don't think that will change their support.
It will be interesting to see how they respond over time.
A's family is tomorrow. In person. Let you know how it goes. . . .

Workshop day #2

Another day full of information. Too much information sometimes. Focused today on the birth mother relationship. Talked through some potential scenarios. Examples of birth mothers situations and discussed the positive and negative. Discussed if we would match and why. Brought up some interesting points.
We also met a couple who just finished adopting. Got to hear their story and ask questions. Their process was very fast. And although not typical it was another reminder that every case is different. Different adopted parents and different birth parents. Each has their own unique strengths and weaknesses.
And then we got to meet a birth mother and hear her story. That was great. She was full of information about how to help with the transition for the birth mother. Remember she is a person. Try to get to know her and develop a relationship so that she is comfortable with you. She is giving you her child for the rest of its life. Spend some time to get to know her. If all goes well you will be seeing each other for the next 18 years. It was a good reminder that although the baby is the focus of the relationship it will be a lot better if can find something else to build a friendship on. Open adoption is about keeping the birth parents in contact with the child. Research shows that is the best thing for the child. We want to do what is best for our child. Why not make it easier on ourselves and get to know the birth parents from the beginning?
There were some scary situations discussed. The overbearing birth grandmother who thinks she is still part of the parenting process. The father who shows up at the hospital and wants to get back together with the mother and keep the baby. The birth grandparents who show up at the hospital and talk the birth mother into keeping the baby. There are lots of potential problems with adoption whether it is open or not but there are lots of potential problems with pregnancy too. You could worry yourself to death about either.
We are feeling pretty good about the process. We still have a lot of little logistical paperwork to do. Mostly for the state-DMV record, fingerprints, and physical with HIV and TB test.
The big projects left though are the birth mother letter and web site. The letter is tough. How to get everything about why you would be great parents on 1 double sided page. And a lot of that space is photos. Several drafts in our future to get the maximum information in the minimum amount of space.

Contract is signed!

Today was a great day. We had a long day of workshops about the open adoption process. Some of it was overwhelming but for the most part it was informational. We learned some new things and clarified a lot of things. At the end of the day we signed the contract. We are going to be parents! We have another day of workshops tomorrow and then it is up to us to get the paperwork in. We still have a lot to do. Things like Employment Verification Form, Medical History including HIV and TB tests, Fingerprints, and of course the birth mother letter. It is daunting but exciting. We have a team of people to help us along the way. Looking forward to another exciting day tomorrow.

P.S. To cap off our day our priest and his wife asked us to be Godparents of their adopted son who will be baptized in Jan. Pretty amazing.

Big Workshop Day

The big workshop day has finally arrived. Today we go for a 5 hour workshop and tomorrow for 8 hours. We will meet with our counselor, go over the paperwork, and sign our contract. Yikes! I am a little nervous but mostly excited. This really is the biggest step towards becoming parents. After this weekend it is merely a matter of time. (Well, after the home study. Which we should clear with no problem.) Should have more tomorrow.

Paperwork has begun

I did it. I got through the 1st page of the Home Study. It was the Auto Biography part. It took 3-1/2 hours over 2 nights and I kept it short on some of the questions. It is a lot of information. Some of the questions were fun to think about. Like describe your relationship with your parents and your siblings growing up. I mean all of the questions were huge like this but I liked remembering some of the times I had with my siblings.
Next is the Home Study Questionnaire. It is all about the present. Husband-Wife relationship. How will you raise your child? Only much more detailed. I think this one will take even longer.

Paperwork overload

Holy Cow! Did I mention that we are doing an Open Adoption . We just started really going through the paperwork. I will be writing a novel over the next week. They want a full auto biography and I mean full. Childhood, Adolescence, adulthood, parents history, work history. It is a lot. I think we should start requiring parents to fill out this paperwork before they can take their child home. It is a lot of paperwork. When I have time I will post how long it actually took.

The journey has begun

Welcome to our journey to parenthood. After more than 2 years of trying to have children, we have decided to adopt. It took lots of discussion and brought up things we never thought about before. We have done a fair amount of research and considered a variety of options. We have decided that open adoption is probably best for us. We are still in the very early stages. We have given our deposit but have not filled out all the paperwork. The agency we are working with has a 2 day workshop to help with that.

Anyway that is the short version of where we are. We are on the path to parenthood one way or another. As things happen I will try to keep them updated here.
I am the father to be and will post from that perspective. If A(the mother to be) wants to chime in she will do her own posts and possibly her own blog.