God's plan for us

When I last posted in September I was feeling pretty depressed. After our closest match didn't happen I was feeling pretty frustrated with the adoption process. We had little to no contact from birth mothers on October, November, December. In January our journey to parenthood took a right turn. We got pregnant! It has been amazing and on Thursday we got to see the 1st real picture of our baby in utero. A is about 19 weeks so we had the option to find out the sex but we had already decided not to. We want to be surprised. And we have been!
We have no idea what is in store for us next. For now we are preparing to be parents to Rainbow (baby in utero). We are on hold for adoption for now. And that's as far as it goes for now. So this blog will be on hold for a while too.

It was not our time

It has been over a month so I can post now. We went to LA and met birth mother 1. It was exciting and nervous and scary. It seemed to go well. She brought her best friend which actually made it a little less awkward. We talked over dinner for a few hours. We really connected and it felt good. We maintained contact with her through email and about 3 weeks after the meeting she chose another family to match with. We knew that it was down to us and 1 one other family when we met with her. We really thought she was going to be the one. But that was not God's plan for us.
Around the same time we had 3 other contacts. They were all very brief and we didn't hear from them again.
Since then we have not had any contacts. It has been over a month since birth mother 1 picked the other family. I think we are just now accepting it. It was really hard in the beginning but we have both been very busy and that helps. We continue to wait for our baby. However God brings them to us.

A big step

There have been times that it felt like this day would never come. We are going to meet Birth Mother 1! Yeah! We had a few more email exchanges this week and she asked some more hard questions. Then yesterday she asked if we could meet her. So, we are going on Monday. Super fast trip. We will just be there for the night. This doesn't really commit either her or us but we feel really good about it. And she has told the agency that she really likes us.
It is really exciting. And scary and wonderful. I think this will really help the birth mother and us come to a decision on the match. Arranging the trip so fast has been challenging but we are handling it. The logistics part are easy but the emotional tension that comes with it is harder than I thought. A & I are both a little high strung. In a good way. I know that I have been on fire today with everything I have worked on. It is really intense but I am feeding on it right now. I don't know how I will feel by Monday.

The rollercoaster continues

Well, things have changed and things have stayed the same. In my last post I wrote that we were going on the last minute list. And we have. But so far that has made no difference. In other developments, though we have been in contact with 3 birth mothers. Birth mother 1 contacted us earlier this year. We had several email conversations and felt a strong connection with her. She is due in October and has time to think. So she went quiet for a while and we thought she might be gone. She is back though and we had a phone conversation that we thought went very well. It has been a couple of weeks since we heard from her last.
Birth mother 2 just contacted us on July 4. She is great for different reasons. We think that she is also due some time in October. She sent us a power point of her and the birth father! Crazy! We have not heard from her since. She has done an intake with our agency though. So at least she is getting good counseling.
Birth mother 3 contacted us yesterday. We were very excited because there were many things we shared in common with the birth mother and birth father. And with a whole other twist. They are having twins. They asked some great questions and I responded openly to all of them. One of them was about spirituality and religion. I was open and honest about our commitment to our church and to Christianity. Unfortunately they were hoping for a Universal Church or Non Denominational type church association. The birth father doesn't want the baby raised in a Christian house hold. (He was raised Catholic and apparently didn't like it very much.) So we got the response today that they are not a match for us.
As you can imagine this is an exhilarating, frustrating, annoying, joyous and exhausting process.
Keep us in your prayers.

Things are about to change

Well, despite the long silence here on the blog some things have been happening. We have had a few contacts over the last several months. 5 since December. They have been all over the map literally and figuratively. Unfortunately they have also all been early in the pregnancy and each of them broke off communications at some point. It has been frustrating not knowing why but I take solace in knowing now instead of at the delivery.
Our most recent development is that we had our 1 year update. It is hard to believe but we have been on the list at IAC for 1 year. Although things have not developed the way that we planned (very few things do in life) we are still very much committed to this path. After 1 year the agency has given us the option to go on the last minute list. This gives us the opportunity to be matched at any time. It is not the preferred method of open adoption because there will be no time to meet before the birth. In fact, we don't get a call until after the birth. Other than that everything will happen the same but in a much shorter time frame. The birth mother will still pick a couple from the birth mother letters given to her based on her profile. The IAC will still try to create the best match for everyone involved. We will still be given the option not to meet the birth mother if it doesn't feel right. The hardest part will be deciding in 30 minutes. That's right. They will call and give us 30 minutes to decide if we want to meet the birth mother and then get to the hospital ASAP. On the plus side we would only be matched in California so we would not have far to travel and the adoption laws are pretty simple. It is daunting to think about at 1st. But really we have been ready for a year. The agency is only going to call us with birth mothers that match our profile. We have already made decisions about most of the possibilities. It will be weird going from being non parents to parents overnight but it will be exciting too. This doesn't mean that we won't be able to have a relationship with the mother after the match. Although it is less common for the birth mother to maintain contact with the adoptive family after the adoption many do stay in contact. We hope that our baby can know the woman that gives the greatest gift of our lives.
This will all become a reality on June 1. That doesn't mean we will be matched on June 2. It may take weeks or months but it could happen anytime after June 1. Yippee!
There is also still the possibility that we will be matched with a birth mother before the birth but this will now be another option.
Now, we have to go buy a car set :)
Keep praying for us.

Everything is not always as it seems

In my last post I mentioned that there was a couple in our church who already got matched and had a baby girl. They only got to keep her for 10 days. It is a complicated situation but it comes down to the state deciding that neither the father or mother were competent enough to sign the relinquishment papers. ( I think.) The birth mother and birth father are both mentally challenged which the adoptive parents knew. But they were working with a social worker who was taking them all through the process. It seemed like a done deal. It is so unfortunate. I feel so badly for our friends. In some way I feel little relief that is not us. But I also feel trepidation knowing that it could be us. It seems like such a simple idea. A woman is pregnant with a baby that she doesn't want to parent. A couple can't get pregnant but want to be parents. Let's put the 2 together. It just doesn't seem to work that way. . . .

Overdue Checkin

It has been a long time since I posted but there has been little to update. In the big picture nothing has changed. A & I are still waiting. It is sometimes very frustrating. We have not even had any contact. I know that God has a plan and we will be parents when it is time for us to be but I don't always keep that in mind. It can seem so unfair to see other people become parents so easily. The most recent occurrence. A couple from our Church that is using the same agency finished their paperwork and became available for a match 3 months after us. A few weeks ago they were matched and already have a baby girl. We are very happy for them but deep down it does seem a little unfair. But that is the way that Open Adoption works. We can only put the request out there. And based on the information available the Birth Mother chooses. It is one of the many things that we can not control in the process. It has made us a question if we are even supposed to be parents. But fortunately we have friends and family who are supportive. And as many have pointed out. If pregnancy doesn't come easily then there is no easy path to parenthood.Each path is just challenging in different ways.
Lately we have tried to focus on ourselves. Filling our time with work, church, and celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. Taking advantage of being able to stay out on a weeknight, meet friends for a drink on last minute notice, etc. It is little comfort but it is what we have control over. We can only use the time we have the best way we know how.